The In Between

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5: 8

"It's the end of the most significant week in the history of the world. A week of final moments. Jesus and the apostles' last meal together. The last time Jesus prays in the garden. The conluding confrontation with the enemies. The final encounter with pain. And the last event... a daring display of unleashed divine power. The entombed Savior unbound by a Holy explosion. What was a sepulcher is now a symbol...landmarking the greatest vistory in the most crucial battle. A week of final moments. A week of endings. Or is it the beginning...?" Max Lucado
This was the day of sorrow- of pain and confusion and lost hope. The day when the faith they had was shaken, when their dreams seemed to be dead in a tomb. Grief has a way of making everything gray, and how much darker that day when the one who died was the one you placed all of your future in. Who was there to lead now? What were you supposed to do?

Good Friday
"His final prayer was about you. His final pain was for you. His final passion was you...He couldn't (walk away). He couldn't because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn't fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn't request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in you own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in you Garden of Gethsemane-and He didn't want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it's like to be plotted against. He knows what it's like to be confused. He knows what it's like to be torn between two desires." Max Lucado
Full of sorrow and agony and desperation. Loss and abandonment and death. Words we don't like- Words that mean something, words that were acts that we don't like to think about. That I don't like to think about. Choices that were made because there was no other way. Because love made a way. He embodied everything good that ever existed and then He took on everything bad- so we could know Him. I, like most everyone, hate death. I hate the permanence of it, the overwhelming sadness that seems to stay around for so long afterwards. I hate the seperation and the missing. I hate the questions it causes and the fear that lingers and the bitterness that can seep in. I hate that it is the end of the story that we can see, that we can understand- but, this death was different. It was the beginning of the greatest story...

Even as they celebrated Passover- even as He told them He would rebuild His temple and served them and prepared them for the giving of His body- they didn't understand (even as we have the whole story and have a hard time understanding that death is not an end...). Though their expectations weren't the same, none expected what He knew would happen. His humanity was so apparent that day- sorrow and pleading and praying, a body broken. Did they wonder if they were wrong to believe in His words? To leave behind their own lives to learn from this teacher?

"He is not here... for He has risen, just as He said." This is Easter. This is the beginning of all things being made new, of love conqeuring hate, of promises kept, the most blessed invitation, power and grace and hope and peace and joy and all the words we love are alive and living and coming again. It was an offering- it is an offering- a sacrament, a gift from God- the gift from God. The miracle of a person, it is personal. Faith and Wonder overwhelming. I love that the acts themselves are the meaning, and yet there was so much symbolism and fulfiment. That the levels on which we are taught grow and expand as our understanding does. That it's so simple- We are sinners seperated from God, Jesus was born and remained sinless to die for our sin- then is raised from the dead and will return. We believe, accept, obey- we love and give and learn. We have eternity with Him. That he had a choice and we have a choice. That the simplicity of it doesn't make it easy.
Remembering the Lord's Supper- the giving freely of His body and His blood Sacrifice and Redemption. We are left in awe, with immense gratitude and - humility and unworthiness. Justification. Sanctification. Renewal. Freedom. Repentance and Frogiveness. Atonement. Reconciliation.

Psalm 51
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Happy One Month to Us!!

We got married! It's a month today... I can't believe I haven't written on here in so long, I haven't written much at all the past two months- but hoping to start again. Anyways, the wedding was amazing- everything we could have asked for- and we had such a great time with all the friends and family who were able to come in for it- so thank you!
After the wedding, we went to the beach for a week, which was amazing. The weather was perfect and it was so nice for Eric to have so much time off of work for us to just be together. We came back to the apartment in Tampa for a night and then were in Jacksonville for two weeks while Eric was working on opening the new restaurant there. I am back in Tampa now, but he is still there during the week. I have been in Orlando some, since being alone in Tampa with no friends is really not fun at all.
I got the apartment all set up and my name changed on everything- so that's good. We also went to Atlanta for a propane convention this past weekend and had a lot of fun.
It still feels a little like playing house, but it's nice to have my best friend around all the time- although I am not sure he knew just how much I talked before living together (: We worked out the closet kinks- it's so tiny! and are looking forward to Eric being back in Tampa for good.
Also, Punkin (cat) and Fenway (dog) have met and are living together. At this point, they don't hang out- but they also don't fight, so that's good. I hope they become best friends soon, though- just because that would be so cute. They are both trying to adjust to the new apartment- and I actually think Punkin is doing better than Fenway. She seems to be liking it and hanging out with us and eating better than in previous moves. Fenway isn't used to so much quite- so I think she is confused and is needing a lot of extra attention. She's been so flexible with me dragging her around everywhere, so I'm proud of her.
We are very excited about Easter- neither of the pets will be dressed up or getting Easter baskets this year... because, apparantly, they don't care about those things. But, we'll be going to church and having family dinner with my parents, etc.
All of the wedding pictures I have gotten from those who were there are in an album and I love looking at them- I do it all the time- and we are waiting on the ones from the photographer, which I am SO excited about. Also, our wedding is going to be in Central Florida Bride, which I can't wait to see! (it comes out in July)
AND, all the thank you cards are done! I did them the week after the wedding and I am very very happy about that.

Here's hoping we get ont he newlywed gameshow. and that I can be a little more patient...